Sermon Series: Didn't See It Coming

Didn’t See It Coming by Carey Nieuwhof
Group Discussion Guide

August 21 - Part I: Cynicism

1. As you’ve aged, how have you caught yourself becoming cynical? Is there something that you were once excited about, but because it didn’t work out as expected, you became less excited, even negative?
2. On a scale of 1-5, 1 being bitter and crotchety and 5 being extremely grateful, where would you place your current attitude on the life you’re living?
3. What are your thoughts about Carey’s statement, “of all people on earth, Christians should be the least cynical. After all, the gospel gives us the greatest reasons to hope.” (pg. 25)
4. How do you keep curiosity alive and well in your life? Are you purposeful about allowing yourself time to think, drea, ask why questions?

August 28 - Part II: Compromise

1. What do you want said about you at your own funeral? If people were to scale down your life to 1-2 sentences, what would they say? (Ex. “He worked a lot of hours…she was a loving mother…he was a huge sports fan, never missed a game”)
2. What do Paul’s words from Romans mean to you? 

“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15 NLT)
Do you ever feel like that?

1. What does “character” look like to you?
2. How do you justify your bad actions or decisions?
3. Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount invites us into a life filled with character, treating others as you would have them treat you. How does your talk match your walk? How could it improve?
4. Jesus set aside time to think, pray, and breathe. He wasn’t always available to everyone. He understood the importance of filling up his own cup. On a scale of 1-5, 1 being “I never set aside time for myself” and 5 being “I am extremely disciplined in setting aside time,” where do you fall?

September 4 - Parts III & IV: Disconnection & Irrelevance

1. Are cell phones and portable devices a gift or a curse? Do you feel more or less connected to people you love because of them?
2. Carey talks about noticing that often he sees people in conversation talking at one another instead of with one another. How can you be more intentional about actively listening? What would it look like for you to ask more questions when you’re in conversation?
3. Do you and your loved ones have designated “unplugged” times?
4. Reflect on Dalls Willard’s statement, “you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” (pg. 85)  Why is this so difficult?
5. Reflect on Rick Warren’s statement, “When the speed of change around an organization is faster than the speed of change inside the organization, the organization becomes irrelevant.” (pg. 92)
6. What’s changing faster, you or the culture around you?
7. Do you think that you are open to change? Why or why not?
8. Are you open to new types of music or do you always gravitate to what you’ve always listened to?
9. How many younger people than you do you surround yourself with?
10. Reflect on Carey’s statement, “the change you don’t implement often becomes something none of us wants - regret.” (pg. 110)
11. What change could you open yourself up to so that it doesn’t become a regret?

September 11 - Part V: Pride

1. Carey argues that pride is often driven by insecurity, and he lists 5 signs that this is happening: you compare yourself to others, your self-worth is determined by your latest performance, you can’t celebrate someone else’s success, you squeeze gifted people out of your life, and you want some say in everything (pg. 119-122). Can you see any of these signs happening in your life?
2. How can you intentionally continue to learn from others in order to help foster humility?
3. Can you think of someone who is really good about putting other people in the spotlight? Reflect on how you might practice doing the same thing.
4. According to Carey, “one of the best ways to win the war against pride is to get ridiculously honest with yourself and with God” (pg. 137). What do you need to be ridiculously honest about? What do you need to confess? What describes you that you wish didn’t?

September 18 - Part IV: Burnout

1. Can you think of a time in your life when you were going through some level of burnout, even if you didn’t recognize it at the time? If you’re in a better place now, what got you through that period?
2. Burnout can affect us at any age, and isn’t always dramatic and obvious. Do you have a way of checking in with yourself, and maybe someone you trust, to watch for the signs Carey mentions on pg. 151-154?
3. It can be hard to admit that you’re feeling burnout and need help to change things. How might you help someone else when they are feeling burnout?
4. We all have losses in life that continue to affect us. Are there any losses in your life that you still need to grieve? Take some time to pray about them, and ask God to help you through the lifelong grief process.
5. Carey mentions the importance of prioritizing your health (spiritual, emotional, relational, physical, and financial) as a way to come back from or guard against burnout (pg. 164). How might we shift our thinking and see time spent on our health as important for everything we do, instead of a luxury?

September 25 - Part VII: Emptiness

1. Emptiness often comes over us when we either realize we’ll never get what we are chasing in life, or when we get it, and realize it wasn’t as meaningful as we expected. Have you experienced either of those feelings?
2. About 70% of the US workforce hate their job (pg. 180). How do you react to that statistic? Do you think that could be a symptom of misplaced values/priorities in the US?
3. The Book of Ecclesiastes wrestles with life feeling empty/meaningless. Read Ecclesiastes 1:1-9 (or if you have some time, read the whole book! It’s only 12 short chapters long…) and then think about this section: I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil. I know that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it; God has done this so that all should stand in awe before him. (Ecclesiastes 3:12-14 NRSV) The author says we should enjoy this life, but also keep in mind what is lasting, and what is fleeting. How do we enjoy life, without chasing after pleasures/treasures that won’t last and ultimately leave us feeling empty?
   
4. At the heart of Christian discipleship is dying to yourself, in order to live for something greater (ie, the Kingdom of God). If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it (Luke 9:23-24).  What pursuits do you need to let go of (die to) in order to truly take part in God’s mission for the world?